[Reading] ➶ The Teleportation Accident Author Ned Beauman – Saudionline.co.uk

The Teleportation Accident chapter 1 The Teleportation Accident, meaning The Teleportation Accident, genre The Teleportation Accident, book cover The Teleportation Accident, flies The Teleportation Accident, The Teleportation Accident d8041fd682849 HISTORY HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE HUNGOVERWhen You Haven T Had Sex In A Long Time, It Feels Like The Worst Thing That Is Happening To Anyone Anywhere If You Re Living In Germany In The S, It Probably Isn T But That S No Consolation To Egon Loeser, Whose Carnal Misfortunes Will Push Him From The Experimental Theatres Of Berlin To The Absinthe Bars Of Paris To The Physics Laboratories Of Los Angeles, Trying All The While To Solve Two Mysteries Whether It Was Really A Deal With Satan That Claimed The Life Of His Hero, The Great Renaissance Stage Designer Adriano Lavicini And Why A Handsome, Clever, Charming, Modest Guy Like Him Can T, Just Once In A While, Get Himself Laid From The Author Of The Acclaimed Boxer, Beetle Comes A Historical Novel That Doesn T Know What Year It Is A Noir Novel That Turns All The Lights On A Romance Novel That Arrives Drunk To Dinner A Science Fiction Novel That Can T Remember What Isotope Means A Stunningly Inventive, Exceptionally Funny, Dangerously Unsteady And Largely Coherent Novel About Sex, Violence, Space, Time, And How The Best Way To Deal With History Is To Ignore It LET S HOPE THE PARTY WAS WORTH IT

10 thoughts on “The Teleportation Accident

  1. says:

    First of all, I really want to mention that whoever wrote the blurb for this book should win an award just for that A historical novel that doesn t know what year it is a noir novel that turns all the lights on a romance novel that arrives drunk to dinner a science fiction novel that can t remember what isotope means a stunningly inventive, exceptionally funny, dangerously unsteady and largely coherent novel about sex, violence, space, time, and how the best way to deal with history is to ignore it. See That paragraph makes The Teleportation Accident sound like the best book EVER.It isn t quite as good as all that, and it isn t as good as Ned Beauman s brilliant debut Boxer, Beetle either, but it s still a pretty great read Starting in 1930s Germany, the story takes in Berlin, Paris and Los Angeles across a span of thirty years as it follows Egon Loeser, a dissatisfied young man who flits around the world because of his twin obsessions with a 17th century set designer, Lavincini the creator of an infamously disastrous teleportation device , about whom Loeser is attempting to write a play and a beautiful girl, Adele Hitler no relation The Teleportation Accident is full of the same farcical humour, grotesque characters and surfeit of coincidences that characterised Boxer, Beetle, and again, I was reminded very strongly of Jonathan Coe s signature style, albeit coupled with a historical setting I loved the fragmented, surreal narrative style used for the section of the story focusing on Bailey, and wished I could have read of this The characters didn t engage me as much as those in Beauman s debut, however, and nor did I find the book anywhere near as funny It s possibly cleverer, though it is indeed a story about how the best way to deal with history is to ignore it , and this element of the plot is handled beautifully, with the historical events one might expect to take centre stage remaining firmly in the background, and seen mainly through the filter of Loeser s selfishness.My main quibble was well, my first main quibble was that after the first chapter, I really hated Loeser I hated him so much, in fact, that it took me a couple of days to even pick the book up again My antipathy towards him lessened slightly as the story went on, but that was partly because midway through the story round about the point he stopped reading the letter from Blumstein I realised you weren t supposed to like him anyway as if his name practically being loser wasn t enough of a giveaway After that revelation, my remaining main quibble was that I didn t really understand why Beauman had chosen to focus so much of the narrative on Loeser s preoccupation with Adele and his sexual frustration Why was Loeser so obsessed with Adele Okay, she was beautiful, but he travelled the world for years after his brief meeting with her, so surely he d have found other women to lust after fall in love with obsess over And if he was so desperate to have sex, surely it s impossible that he wouldn t have been able to find anyone whatsoever to sleep with in all those years, in all those different social circles in all those different cities Wouldn t he just have gone to a prostitute since we already know that he s done this before at the start of the book, I don t see why he would have any moral objection to the idea later in life It all seemed quite flimsy and contrived, and when the whole situation turned out view spoiler to have practically nothing to do with anything else anyway hide spoiler

  2. says:

    An Apologia for LemmingLife is too short There are too many books that will be amazing reads They are physically on my shelf, staring at me.This is not one of them.I ve been on Goodreads for a few years now Seven, to be exact In that time, I have not lemmed a book Not a single one Oh, I ve crawled my way through some real duds I ve persevered through some that started slow and ended strong I ve appreciated some for their fabulous writing, even when I might not fully understand what s happening And others I ve liked for a rip roaring plot, though the writing was pedestrian.I am proud that I haven t yet lemmed a book.Today, I swallow my pride Maybe it s because I ve been reading some fantastic fiction and non fiction lately Maybe it s because I have writing projects than ever before Maybe it s because I know that college football season is coming up and I will watch TV again no, I have not watched one TV show since last football season I just don t watch much TV and not have as much time to read Maybe it s because I have Joyce and Proust and Nabakov waiting for me but I just could not get into this book Yes, the writing is good, even brilliant in places But the characters I could not even take enough interest in them to be able to differentiate one from another Besides, their social brand of hedonism left me feeling, well, bored Many of my Goodreads friends have written reviews praising this work, friends that I hold in high regard and whose advice I ve followed with much success and joy in reading At this party, though, I am simply sitting in the corner, falling asleep.It s been a long night, all 40 pages of it In the past, I ve scoffed at reviews where someone has said in essence, I didn t finish the book, but I m giving it a rating anyway I thought How can you justify that as a review You have to have read the book to have reviewed it Truth is, I ll probably go on feeling that same way, most of the time.But not this time.I m done with this book I didn t finish it And I m rating it 40 pages was enough That s 40 pages I could have been reading, or writing, something much better.Yes, for this moment, I am swallowing my pride and lemming this book.I m feeling pretty good about that On to better things Life is too short There are too many great books out there to tolerate mediocrity Viva excellence

  3. says:

    Accidents allude, but they don t ape Ned Beauman, The Teleportation Accident the two subjects most hostile to his sense of a man s life as an essentially steady, comprehensible and Newtonian mechanical undertaking were accidents and women Ned Beauman, The Teleportation Accident I bought it for the cover but kept reading it because its prose kicked ass and its narrator was kinda a dick.Seriously, this novel is messy, uneven, and sometimes irritating, but mostly it is brilliant, funny, fast, seductive, original and twisted I laughed at nearly every page There is something to be said for an infinitely quotable novel I kept stopping to read lines to my wife that seems relevant today than when it first came out in 2013 The prospect of Trump haunts me, yet I run to literature instead I grasp onto absurdity and fiction to escape the rise of demagogues and the non stop hammering of current events into almost every orifice The novel takes place in three primary locations 1 Berlin, 2 Paris, 3 Las Angeles It twists forward and sometimes backwards in time and does a brilliant job of reminding the reader that love, lust, location, locomotion, literature, etc., are all fraught with both peril, or as Rilke would remind us, beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to endure, awed because it serenely disdains to destroy us Every angel is terrifying How can you not love a writer who can jump with elan from the lap of Lucretius directly to the claws of Lovecraft How can you not adore someone who can write, with almost a straight fiction face, the line Loeser found it hard to believe that God was forever slapping the face of the universe, like a policeman trying to stop a drunk from falling asleep Reading Beauman is like watching some weird, but exceptionally nimble kid trip around in a circle building a fantastic Jenga tower Bricks balance on bricks, metaphors cantilever over metaphors, but all you see is the sheer stress, the energy, the brilliance, the joyful risks of the weird kid dancing.The novel seems like some weird, lusty combination of Haruki Murakami plot , Umberto Eco arcane details , with bits of China Mi ville thrown into the spicy prose sausage I liked it enough to order his other novels , but I also imagine this isn t a novel that will work for everyone Like Pynchon, you have to be in the right zone, with a particular drug load or BAC, to full enjoy Well, I DID go to a Trump rally, waved my damn signs Overcomb demagoguery, Don t feed the fascists , got shoved by smelly, old, white men, and ran quickly back to the safety of absurdist literature.

  4. says:

    THE PAPERBACK PUB DATE IS TODAY ONLY 16 LIST PRICE And worth every dime of it.New Review I give 4.8 happy stars of five to THE TELEPORTATION ACCIDENT by Ned Beauman Bloomsbury Walker publishes the paper edition this coming Tuesday It s a must buy holiday self gift This novel was longlisted for the 2012 Booker Prize, and I see why Beauman s linguistic playfulness and inventive use of tropes in ways both satirical and satisfying to trope fans is amazing when one considers his revolting youth He is under thirty, which I consider an affront to God No one born after Man left the Moon for the final time to date should understand the world Beauman builds with deft and dextrous motions Ain t natural Read the review at Expendable Mudge Muses Aloud, since I won t add value to a capriciously censored site as a matter of principle.

  5. says:

    I seldom take the trouble to actually write a review on a book considering how many there are on this page, I doubt anyone will read this but this book is just so unspeakingly bad that I have to vent my anger at having been fooled into buying it Please, should you consider buying this book I advise you to read very, very carefully through the 1 star reviews They are utterly revealing I quote a few lines I can t understand how this got published, nor how the writer appears to have won several prizes for fiction I can think of few books pretentious than this one I would list them by name, but you probably haven t heard of them I hated this book its shallow yet pedantic theme, its contemptible even to me characters, and, worst of all, the Scooby Doo plotting I feel bad to say that I didn t like it as I have given up on this one Ned Beauman writes with a dictionary permanently open and pages flying, it seems Some of his narrative is so widely stuffed that it took any smattering of joy out of the story How anyone can make a time and setting which was so hedonistic so dull is really amazing Why in the world is this getting so many fawning reviews in different places I bought this book on the recommendation of a review in Entertainment Weekly This is one of the worst books I have ever read I felt like the book was written by a too smart for his own good juvenile boy who was obsessed with sex What a load of complete shite This pretty much sums it up DO NOT BUY.

  6. says:

    Pre read Is it shallow that I want to have babies with this cover Poor Egon Loeser.At the beginning of Ned Beauman s The Teleportation Accident, he s just broken up with his girlfriend a wild ride in the sack, even if she is rather difficult to get off , there s no good coke to be had in all of 1931 Berlin and the girl he wants to sleep with has gone off with a man he could have sworn was gay.Oh, what s that Nazis in Berlin No, he doesn t read the news it s too depressing.After a somewhat slow beginning, where there s much lamenting the lack of cocaine in Berlin and a further lack of any good girls to take to bed, as well as a kind of but not really teleportation accident which Loeser will end up seriously regretting before long , The Teleportation Accident really hits its stride once Egon leaves Berlin for Paris to track down Adele Hitler no, not related and then eventually makes his way to the States.If he can just get Adele into his bed, he knows that things will pick up for him The play he s working on will be finished, his life will get better in every possible way, and he ll no longer have to worry about the fact that his right bicep is ahem a full half inch larger than his left.The Teleportation Accident is a spy novel, a not really a love story, a story of longing and desire, the tale of one man s search for that book of Parisian porn that may or may not have been stolen by customs agents, but most of all The Teleportation Accident is a highly comedic novel that probably won t work for a lot of people There s swearing on every page, a ton of talk about sex, the possibility of a Great Old One in 17th century Paris but it was PERFECT for me because there s swearing on every page, a ton of talk about sex and umthe possibility of a Great Old One in 17th century Paris.I loved it, but I m not going to try to tell all of you that you ll love it, too I m definitely going to be re reading it before too long, and it may go on my favourites shelf when that happens For now, a solid four stars.If I want to feel as if I m being sucked down a fathomless gloomy tunnel for hours and hours then I have a complete set of Schopenhauer at home.Oh, and even if you pick it up and hate it at least that sexy cover will look amazing on your bookshelves, amirite

    Originally posted here.

  7. says:

    Always hate to say one of my favorite books ever in the afterglow of reading it, but this was one of my favorite books ever.Deplorable characters Breath taking storytelling acrobatics And probably the most laugh out loud moments I ve ever had reading a book Physics and magic and hard boiled noir, Nazis and pornography, experimental theater and Lovecraft and punch drunk sexual desire What else could you want Unclassifiable Read it.

  8. says:

    Oh, this book I had to give up on highlighting it because I was basically highlighting the whole damned thing It is so inappropriately funny and deliciously thick with its own mythos I love every one of the awful, wretched characters in this book, and their stubborn refusal to acknowledge the insanity of the world around them, largely of their own making Nazis and Lovecraft and iguanas and made up logical fallacies and Midnight at the Nursing Academy I love it all.

  9. says:

    Woooow Jazda bez trzymanki, as we d say in Poland Full speed with clear mind Amazing turn of phrase, fabulous, incredible sense of humour, ironic distance to reality, wonderfully miserable main character Yet too much of a form, playing with it for the sake of the writer s, not reader s pleasure The story s so complicated I lost the point in the middle Not that I couldn t follow it that was alright Just couldn t understand why it is so necessary for me to follow it Loved it, read it to the end, didn t like the end btw as much as I loved the beginning got me into grips straight away , but for the sake of the puns and language than the plot.

  10. says:

    Why on earth would anyone voluntarily take horse tranquilliser Because they can t get good coke any This book is about this horny ass dude with a time machine that wants to get laid.Shit is wack Not sure if I liked it or not Ignore the fact that it took me like a month to finish it I m a lazy whore.

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