[KINDLE] ❤ He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys ➜ Greg Behrendt – Saudionline.co.uk

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  • Hardcover
  • 208 pages
  • He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
  • Greg Behrendt
  • English
  • 04 January 2017
  • 9781416947400

10 thoughts on “He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

  1. says:

    Eh, I wanted to hate this book I dislike anything that the media het hem, OPRAH has picked up and run with and rammed down everybody s throats I also hated the idea that, from what I heard, the author wants girls to be submissive, never make the first move, wait until the guy expresses interest, arrgh Hated the idea, hate hate hate.After I read itI STILL hate it, but only because, in certain sections, the author s right We all make excuses for why a guy we like doesn t sweep us off our feet Sure we should stand up for ourselves and be strong and go gettersbut how often are we in complete denial We say he s intimidated, he s busy, he s been hurt, he s not ready and really, think about it We re busy, we re intimidated, we ve been hurt, but that doesn t keep us from LIKING people How many times have you been hit on by a guy that you have NO interest in, that you think is way below your league He still hit on you, because he LIKES you So if the guy s not showing interest it s most likely because..he s not interested.See That s why I hate this book It ate my brain, and I want to disagree with every single word Because there are exceptions to all that And then the author points out that we all WANT to be the exception, and how often does that happen, really Arrgh, HATE Because they re RIGHT That SUCKS.

  2. says:

    Because everyone wants to find true love But I ve been married for a bjillion years, so why the hell am I reading this Eh I saw my library had it, and thought it would be fun to find out if according to Greg Behrendt Hubs I had done the whole dating thing right.First week of dating According to the book, my main squeeze exhibited all the correct into you behavior, so I guess it s a good thing I went ahead and married the guy And I think, for the most part, Greg is right about some of the excuses men give when it comes to dating I mean, when a guy falls for a woman, he really will move heaven and earth to be with her All of the it s just a bad time, I m busy with work, I ve been hurt before, I m not ready to commit, my parent divorce scarred me, etc. shit is exactly thatshit What s actually being said is, I m not sure if you re the one, and I m keeping my options open I mean, if you ask my husband, he s probably used every one of those excuses on some poor unsuspecting female in the past I was surprised to learn that he had a giant laundry list of things that were no goes for him A list, I might add, that flew out the window once he met me.And not because I m so awesome, but because I was his Person For whatever reason, we clicked, and all of his I don t feel comfortable when a woman spends the entire night, turned into if you move in with me, we can turn my office into a kid s room Yes, really Just married I think this book gives pretty decent advice when it talks about how into you a man acts, is proportionate to how into he really is If he s not calling texting, not wanting to spend his free time with you, or has issues with intimacy, then sigh He s Just Not That Into You.And, honestly, who wants to spend the rest of your life with someone you have to beg scraps of attention from Marriage is hardly easy, why make it harder A few years down the road As far as some of the other advice Behrendt gives Meh It s not necessarily wrong, but it s definitely not Gospel Truth At best, it s situational I know a lot of people are pissed that he claims a woman should never ask a man out, because men like The Chase I m not offended by his advice, but I m not sure how true it is any What if the guy you like thinks you re waaaay out of his league I guess you could basically throw yourself at him, but it might be easier to just invite him out for a cup of coffee, you know Besides, I don t think men are as stupid as all that If they like you, I sort of doubt you asking them out will change those feelings.As far as I can tell, the only good thing about waiting for the man to make the first move would be that you know he s definitely interested in you, and not just going along with it because it was easy But I can t say that s enough of a reason to sit of your hands I mean, if after a few dates you notice him displaying lazy disinterested behavior, you can always dump the guy.The only thing in the book I agree with 100%, is that it is ALWAYS better to be alone than be with someone who makes you feel like shit I know some of you are probably thinking, Easy for you to say, you ve got someone , and you re not wrong But I have had my fair share of horrible relationships, so I do know how damaging to your self esteem they can be It s not worth it, ladies and gentlemen Get out, get over them, and move on to someone who truly wants to be your Person worth it A few years down the road Who says romance is dead Look at the fear love shining in his eyes Oh, and, unlike a lot of my friends who read this, I didn t realize it had been made into some sort of a movie or something until after I picked it up So, yeah, this is a self help book, not a novel.

  3. says:

    I like reading texts that are feminist in nature I expected hoped for a book that served to empower women in their relationships, a book that addressed historical deficiencies in the way women are culturally taught to function in relationships or the way that a woman may prevent a man from stifling her natural motion in romance As a true feminist or pop feminist text I wanted to feel that a woman, after having sifted through the pages, would be better equipped to dismantle cultural blockades that prevent her from feeling complete latitude in a coupling.Instead, I found a book that rallies women without suggesting a pathway that would lead to bona fide differences in their relationships with men In fact, I found the text to be quite anti feminist in its deeper doctrines Rather than empowering women to promote real change in their relational positioning, it diminishes males into simplistic characters that emanate one of two relationship signals I m interested, or I m not but most likely I m not Doing so, times than not, seems to cause women to opt out of relationships early on rather than deal with any uncertainty on the part of others.It seems to me that the major fallacy of the book is its assumption that sex drives the man Given this presupposition, perhaps the book is accurate he s not that into you could easily be replaced by he s transitioning to his next sexual conquest and the book would make sense It makes sense because sex is a yes or no thing But if the reality is that men are searching for than just sex and seek meaningful relationships, it seems difficult to accept the notion that a single indicator, such as phone call rates, can essentialize all that a man is thinking and feeling about a relationship A relationship is not a yes or no thing It is dynamic and develops over time What may be scattered and uncertain at first can build into a fortress of love, as Sting puts it.I see the appeal relationships are tough, and its therapeutic to gather around the warmth of an idea that consuls the heart But it seems the book takes advantage of the realization that emotionally it s easier to be out of a relationship that it is to be working in one, it s easier to give up on a relationship than engage the complexities and uncertainties that come with falling in love and in that, the book secretly delivers its hemlock.Don t get me wrong, I m all about traditional notions of chivalry It gives relationships momentum But I think it is meant to be dynamic, and just because a guy is understand his feelings before moving along the commitment gradient, doesn t mean that chivalry is lacking That s a totally incomplete thought, but it s a bit tangential and this post is getting longThe book is certainly fun and upbeat I enjoyed its format and thought the authors did a good job at engaging their audience with familiar, quirky experiences to which any of us can easily relate I was unintentionally entertained at many points too I loved that the surveys included at the end of each chapter the ones where 100% of the respondents agreed with the authors 100% of the time were conducted by emailing a handful of the authors friends and asking them questions like, Don t you think it s good for people to be happy and concluding 100% of respondents believe that if he s a little bit grumpy after taking his med school finals, he s just not that into you I ll be the first to admit that the text was not intended to be deep or really engage in feminist rhetoric it s actually an easy read and only took about an hour of one leg of my trip But even as a pop text, I think there s opportunity to advance the position of women, or, at the very least, not detract from any momentum women maintain.

  4. says:

    If loving this book is shallow, then I don t want to be deep.It s a really fucking simple concept, and it s entirely encompassed in the title In fact, I love how the title totally sounds like it s uber harsh In reality, telling you that he s not really that into you is about the nicest thing someone can do to you This isn t high literature by any stretch of the imagination take the cue from the bright fucking pink cover , but the concept is so important to young women that if I ever have a daughter, I m going to instruct her to read this before she goes away to college In some senses, you actually have to have gone through a few breakups to get it, but there s also infinite value in understanding this before you throw of your youth after indifferent men In economics, it s known as throwing good money after bad money Reading this after your first or second bad breakup is probably a perfect time.To be sure, the last few chapters could just entirely be omitted, because they had gotten into the territory of repeating the same idea over and over And there were some slightly regressive ideas about never pursuing a man in there too But I think that the author brought those up just to emphasize the point you shouldn t be breaking your back to make something happen if the guy refuses to be than lukewarm about you I ll take the few regressive ideas with that intention.If you ve ever sat by the phone, or some facsimile thereof, read this book It s light it ll only take you a couple hours.

  5. says:

    Such a revelatory book for anyone who has been neglected, ghosted, or given mixed signals by a man The thesis of He s Just Not That Into You if a guy is into you, he will take it upon himself to let you know Despite some of the book s repetition, I love how the authors emphasize their central message of recognizing your self worth and refusing to settle for someone who makes you doubt yourself Essentially do not settle for a man or any human who makes you wonder if he or they likes you Do not settle for a man whose intimacy issues or substance use problems or lack of communication skills forces you to do all the emotional work He s Just Not That Into You advocates for never settling and for only engaging in relationships with people who care about you and can show it.I wish the authors of this book had expanded the depth of their writing I saw so much room for addressing how oppressive gender roles affect intimate relationships the authors could have talked about how toxic masculinity robs men of the tools they could use to cultivate fulfilling, deep relationships The book also felt super heteronormative and even just a tad anti feminist in parts e.g., supporting the silly notion that women should only date men who ask them out first Because this book came out ten years ago, quite a few of its arguments rely on traditional structures e.g., monogamy and ideas e.g., that all men just want sex.Despite these flaws, I would still recommend this book to anyone who needs a good slap of self respect in the face In the past, I have made the mistake of over analyzing men s internal states and trying to figure out if a guy s wish washy behavior could indicate that he likes me Now, I know not to settle for anyone beneath my standards and to thrive as an empowered, independent human who has several healthy, reciprocal relationships.

  6. says:

    Every single girl should read this book, and live by it Its a book that states the obvious to us girls, but we are too wrapped up to actually see the situation for what it isit is, being that hes just not that into you , Ive bought this book for a few of my single girlfriends, or gf s in crappy relationships It just makes sense If he doesnt call you, he s just not that into you, period seems to make complete sense but how many of us sit around waiting for him to call lolIf he s not having sex w you, then hes just not that into you..Helllooooo no kidding My favorite one, the one that opened my eyes to reality w alot of guys that I dated If youre making excuses for him, then hes not that into you Thats true, and one that you may not even know that your doing I read this book several times, and began to live by it, which really means that I began to raise my standards, and not accept how men treated me sometimes, and all of a sudden it was not acceptable to not call when he said he would, and i soon realized when i was making excuses for them, like well maybe he worked late, maybe he had an emergency, maybe this, maybe that I stopped doing all that, and had some self respect One strike, one f ck up, one ill call ya later then never did, and that was it, on to the NEXT, no looking back, you had your chance baby.And since then, I found an amazing man, that ive never ever had a doubt that he is totally into me And thats what this book is saying, THATS how it should be, no doubts, no excuses, no tears, no sitting by the phone, no trying to figure him out Its so nice

  7. says:

    Last night I went to do laundry at my apartment and all three washers were filled with fluid I m not calling it liquid Liquids do not smell the way those washers smelled.This is a long explanation of why I was at the laundromat at 11 30 PM on a Thursday skimming He s Just Not That Into You I guess it explains the locale than the reading choice.I ALSO have to give a presentation about books that might help a person s business And because you can only read so much of that shit before you pray to Krom for the strength to squeeze your own head and crush your own life to pieces, I wanted to throw in some other books that might help business y people too I figured, hell, maybe there s some lessons to learn about customer relations here Maybe your customers are just not that into you.That s the excuse portion of the reasoning The other thing, I ve found myself to be a man who, though kind, sometimes struggles making a lady feel really and truly wanted So I thought, Maybe I ll see some glimmers of things in here that I do and try to avoid some of those pitfalls I mean, let s face it, we all know our foibles Sometimes it s just good to see how other people deal with them, not to mention consider some alternative strategies I d be very embarrassed if anyone ever asked me how much I learned from skimming the 5 Love Languages To borrow a phrase from every 4th grade in America You re just a big girl, Pete.I need to stop asking 4th graders what they think of me and allowing them to respond via email.Because business is boring, I just want to talk about this book in terms of relationships To summarize the business advice gleaned from this and about 50 titles If you work your ass off and do something you re passionate about as opposed to interested in using as a money pipeline, and if you can maintain a human level of empathy throughout, you have as good a shot as anyone If you open up a coffee shop but hate people and mornings, you re fucked If you open up a comic store and love comics and the publishing industry, you re probably still fucked, but you ll have a good few years and you won t regret it Think about it, very few people look back and say, The one time I took a chance on something I really wanted, I totes regret that shit So there you go, food for thought.Relationships.I gave this book a 3 er because it s written nicely It s funny It s light, and it does something tough in that it s acting as a wake up call without being overly angry at the readers Like any good artist, the writers here seem to take what they do seriously, but don t necessarily take themselves seriously It s a good combo.This book is a roadmap for ladies to find a man to marry and be with forever If that s what you want, then this might not be a bad choice.HOWEVERI think the ideas here are based on a false premise Let me explain.The idea throughout the book is that a man will pursue a woman he is interested in Therefore, if a man is not pursuing you, dear reader, then he s not interested Simple And yes, I agree with the idea that men, people in fact, don t want to dump anyone Nobody wants to hurt someone else, calling to say what s wrong with them in order to break up A lot of people, if they go on a date and find you repulsive for whatever reason, whether it s your personality or your weird butt or your political stance or that weird butt, or possibly a weird butt, a lot of people would rather just never call again then call and say, You have a weird butt I ve received a number of Dear John or rather Dear Weird Butt letters It s hurtful, being reduced to one weird part.So in a way, the authors are right.Where they go wrong is in saying that a woman should never, absolutely never, ask out a man, initiate a phone call to a man in early stages, or do any of that shit Because if he calls you, you know he s in If he doesn t, he s not.There are a lot of problems with this.First and most obvious, ladies are advised to kiss goodbye their right to pursue people they like The co author says she was mad about this at first and later felt like it was empowering, that she was holding the cards I call total bullshit on that Why Sadly, as a species, I don t think we re very good at giving people rights, respect, or cred if they don t ask for it Did women get the right to vote because men just felt like they were sweethearts and had earned it Did white guys stop firehosing black people because they just sort of realized how fucked up that was Are we working on gay rights in a painfully slow fashion without them making a peep about it NO No, I don t think we ve gotten a whole lot of anything without asking.I say fuck that Being asked out is empowering, but surrendering power is really not the way to gain of it.Let s talk about the kind of person who will respond to this as well Yes, you can be pretty certain that a guy who pursued you through hell and high water does like you But, BUT, if YOU refuse to make any headway, there s a pretty good chance you re going to attract a guy who wouldn t WANT a woman who takes any sort of control I m not saying he ll never let you be topsies in the sex times I am so bad at sex that I do not know the terminology and constantly embarrass myself , but I m saying that if you go by tradition A, don t be surprised if you attract a man who also subscribes to tradition A AND traditions B K He won t be a wifebeater just because he wouldn t like being asked out by a woman But hey, maybe you would like to be the breadwinner Maybe you re into him staying home with a baby Maybe you think he drives like a loser and prefer to take the wheel now and then Fuck me, my mom would be so proud of me right now Another thing Isn t it everyone s goal to be with someone who they think, Christ Why is this person with me I mean, not every waking moment or anything But in a weird, terrible way, saying to yourself that you feel like you lucked out big time Sure, you ve got good qualities You ve read a lot of Amazing Spider Man You have a vague sense of furniture placement rules But come on, this partner could do a little better on some level.With that in mind, you might get someone shooting way above his bracket, but in all likelihood you re going to get guys asking you out who are thinking, She looks attainable That s a terrible way to think about a person, but most guys don t really shoot for the moon on this stuff.I recently met a good friend who told me how he started dating his wife Basically, he was moving out of town, so he figured he d just ask out the prettiest, nicest girls that he thought were way out of his league Because fuck it He d be gone forever, so why not go for broke It worked, and they re married They have kids More than one for chrissakes My point Under normal circumstances, a guy isn t super likely to go for broke when it comes to asking out a girl he considers out of his league Especially not a nice, realistic guy like this friend.The system in this book, it allows men to try and bat out of order, but not women You can t go after someone you consider out of your league You just have to hope they come to you That seems like a sad way to live I rarely say this, but I think it applies to relationships It s not about getting what you deserve It s about getting a little bit .Last thing, and why I think the premise is flawed This book makes an assumption The assumption, that the opposite of a man who is interested and pursues a woman is a man who is uninterested and does not That if Rule A is true, and Rule A states A man who does not pursue you is not interested in you then it s opposite is true, A man who does pursue you is interested But is the opposite of a pursuer who is not pursuing a pursuer who IS pursuing Or is the opposite a non pursuer I know, this sounds like the logic they use with Bizarro Superman He flies backwards, feet first, but shouldn t he also be upside down Or underground or something I m just trying to say that I think the opposite of a man who is not pursuing you is not a passionate, interested man that is Setting up any group of humans as either one or the other, on off switch, is a mistake.Take the signals, pay goddamn attention, but don t take any advice as gospel, especially when it s based on a Men be all like this premise That s not science That s just the experience of one man And yes, many many people have written in and agreed with this book, however if you re thinking about this scientifically, most people who read this probably already suspect that He s Just Not That Into them That s why they picked up the book So it stands to reason.At the end of The Elements of Style, the Strunk White book that tells you how to write the right way, these bastions of proper English lay it out there, saying that although these are the rules, many, many great writer has found greatness specifically by breaking these rules They tell you straight up that there are rules, but if you break them at the right time and the right way, you ll connect with someone on a different level.That s my advice, after reading this book Nearly everyone I know has said that he or she doesn t want to be in a long distance relationship And nearly everyone I know HAS been after making that declaration.It s simple I don t want to be in a long distance relationship with a woman But that s A woman When it comes to the question of being in a long distance relationship with Anastasia I tried to pick a name associated with NOBODY I know, but if I remember I DO know one this is going to be extra fucked up because it ll seem really, really pointed it s a different discussion Rules are there for the masses, and they re broken by individuals Especially when it comes to love.Have high standards, go after what you want, but don t be an idiot Don t impose rules on yourself that limit your own happiness.

  8. says:

    Good God, this book reeks of Stone Age, sexism and untifemininism The author, Greg Behrendt, is a comedian, worked as a consultant on Sex and the city, has been on tons of well known talk shows, and all this somehow made him into a Love Guru He felt like he was sitting on so much knowledge, that could help clueless poor women, that he decided to write a book and share his wisdom with the world The reason I picked up this book, was because I wanted to read funny stories about dating And this book had plenty of those But my god did it stank bullshit The book is written from two peoples point of view, Greg, who wastes no time giving advice dump him , and Liz, who s job is to point out the grey areas in relationships Unlike Greg, she believes that not everything is black and white, that some relationship are complicated At first I thought it was interesting, that she was questioning his relationship advice, trying to point out that not all men are pigs, with hidden agendas, mommy issues, secretly set on using and abusing all women in their paths, because someone, at some point in their lives did them wrong You read halfway into her argument and think This Liz chick is onto something But then you get to the end of every chapter and get I hate to admit it, but Greg is right And you get this uncontrollable urge to hit something Let me give you some examples Greg believes that a woman should never approach a man first Liz comes in arguing that some women are go getters, they see something someone they want, and go for it That there is nothing wrong with that Greg aka self proclaimed Love Guru, takes her s there is nothing wrong with that and raises her with Do you really want a man who is so lazy that he doesn t even bother to talk to you Imagine having a relationship with such jewel Because if a man was really into you, he would always, ALWAYS, get his ass up, come over and try to talk to you And of course, OF COURSE, Liz thought that Greg had a good point Yeah, some men might be intimidated by powerful women, but if he is really into you, he will get off his lazy ass and approach you Because there is no other explanation why a man would not approach a woman first, other than he s lazy, or likes things being handed to him Ladies, assume your submissive positions and wait for the Prince Charming to make his move.Also, the use of word we annoyed me to no end When Greg talked about men, he always used we men like he was talking on behalf of all male species We men like approaching women We love the chase We are made this way That s who we are That s how we do things So what that my mother had a stroke If I was into you, I would call and tell you about it right away If I haven t, I m just not into you It s that simple Then there is Greg saying Men are not complicated Although we would like you to think we are Men are just as complicated as women, because they are HUMAN BEINGS WITH FEELINGS Don t even get me started on the part where Greg explains to the ladies that 0400 is 4 A.M Insert RAGE Or the part where he talks about marriage That if a man is really into you, he will want to marry you one day If he s not asking, something is wrong It is one thing when a woman wants that, but to say that if he s really into you, he will want to marry you Yeah you ve been together for a long time, he s committed to you in every way, the relationship is great, but if he says he doesn t want to get married, READ FLAG What the fuck was this woman doing not bringing this up in the early stages of their relationship Oh, wait, we re suppose to wait til the man makes the first move Then you have men find very satisfying to get what they want.That s why women should stay put and wait for things to happen, because we do not Insert rage Then there is friends to lovers thing According to Greg, if a man is interested in being than a friend to you here he talked about going from long time friendship to romantic relationship , he will always, ALWAYS, want to take relationship further Because, you know, men find it very satisfying to get what they want and all that Because they don t have the ability to foresee the consequences that could lead to ruining the friendship AND, because they don t care about that anyway, at least not enough to think for a second if anything good will come out of it Then there is the part where a man will find a way to get ahold of you even if you didn t give him your phone number If he s really into you that is Ah, E L James would be truly proud And this is not even halfway through the book I could rant about it all day.The bottom line of this book is yeah, you are a big deal, successful and well accomplished, beatiful and interesting, but stay tight, if a guy is truly interested in you, he ll find you The only time the importants of communication was mentioned, it was fallowed by but. The most depressing part about the book was the ending, where Liz was summarizing her thoughts on dating and Greg s advice about it Regardless of what she thought, the Greg ended up being right His advice and wisdom is gold, according to her The book ended with her saying she feels lonely sometimes, it sucks being single, but it s better to be single than being in a bad relationship Which is true But Liz is staying put, at the age of 41 this book was written a while back, she should be 51 now , without approaching men herself, successfully dating in NY I think This book had its funny moments, but I really hope that no one, who bought this book, took Greg s advice to heart Otherwise we will never get rid of Stone Age mentality.

  9. says:

    I think that no matter who you are, you re never too good for a low brow self help book If you date men, you should read He s Just Not That Into You, because this book serves as a reminder to make sure you re being treated with the respect you deserve After you read this book, you will save a lot of time you would have spent making excuses for some deadbeat.The book s also written in a very humorous, breezy, and clear style You can read it quickly but the advice will stick with you for many dates to come Even so, I like to reread it every so often as a kind of refresher course, to remind myself why it doesn t make sense to waste the pretty My friends and I refer to this book regularly in our conversations about men and dating.

  10. says:

    For better or worse, I LOVED this book and do consider it to be life altering for me okay, to an extent I realize it s been trash talked times ten in the media since it first came out but I do think it s extremely underrated I read it as a first year grad student and remember all these light bulbs going off in my head as I eagerly scanned the pages for information As I read the letters and stories in the book, so much of my life started making sense to me I started to see what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong and after I finished the book and reflected on it a bit, I really did change my approach to dating And you know what It worked I think what I really like about the book, that it really doesn t get credit for, is that it promotes independence The main message is that knowledge is power and even if things aren t the way you want them to be, at least if you know then you can go on to something else That was the main message that resonated with me and that s why I think it s a really empowering book for females.

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